Cold hands, warm shart.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
