yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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