It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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