You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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