If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
