The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
