I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I think my fart just growled at me.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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