So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
