You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
