Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
