just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
