I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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