first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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