Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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