glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
