matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
