Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
