Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
