Moan for me like Helen Keller
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
