Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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