So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
