He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
The ass gains better be worth it
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