Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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