Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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