Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
