Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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