Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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