My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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