Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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