I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
