Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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