Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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