I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
