Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
she told me i tasted like america
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
