You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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