I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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