There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
