Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
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