Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
