Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
