She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
