i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
