Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
