So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
