grandma shit on top of the toilet
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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