i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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