living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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