i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
