if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
