Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
