this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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